During my 10 years of dating after my divorce at age 41, I cant count the number of times I got discouraged about whether the right one would ever appear. I dated man after man and had disappointment after disappointment. Sometimes, I felt I was getting closer to the best mate for me. Other times, I took three steps backward before I took another step forward. It was frustrating, sometimes infuriating, and now and then depressing. But, despite everything, I never gave up hope that I would meet a compatible long-term partner. And Im totally convinced that this firm belief that there was someone out there just right for me was a key determinant of my success in meeting my second husband.
Often, when I coach people trying to find a life partner, especially those over 40 whove been burned either in a marriage or a string of disappointing relationships, despair is common. I hear comments such as I feel nothing is ever going to change, Im not sure Ill ever meet anyone who excites me, and I wonder if Ill ever find someone whos emotionally available. Instead of making me sad, the sense of hopelessness reflected in these statements makes me more determined to help these people see and believe that there definitely IS hope for them to find love.
I believe theres a match for everyone, no matter where you live, how old you are or how limited your dating experience. This optimism carried me through some rocky roads of post-divorce dating. Sure, its a jungle out there sometimes, but thats no need to give up hope. They say you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince, and in the over-40 dating world, you might have to kiss more than a few. You might also have to put some real effort and time (and even money) into finding that person since many of the good ones are already taken by that age. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. And all good things come to those who wait. So it pays to be realistic, proactive and patient as you pursue your partner.
If you doubt that youll find a partner, consider this:
1) There are LOTS of fish in the dating sea. For example, there are over 850 online dating sites in the U.S. alone, some with millions of members, so there are PLENTY of single people out there looking. The Law of Averages says there is definitely at least ONE person you could love.
2) You have many qualities attractive to any number of prospective partners. So, you can deduce that you also have just the right mix of certain unique attributes that will appeal specifically to at least one wonderful partner.
3) As in sales, its a numbers game. Youll get 9 nos before you get a yes. So, the more people you meet, the closer youll get to a match.
4) The only reasons you may not have met your partner yet is that hes still getting ready for you or just hasnt crossed your path. Being patient while he prepares and varying the places you go are two ways to attract him.
By keeping these facts in mind and staying active in your search for a partner, itll be easier to believe that person DOES exist and will soon come into your world. Keep the faith!
Gayle P. Crist, M.S., founder and president of HealthyLife Planning, is a personal coach based in Doylestown, PA. Trained at the Institute for Life Coach Training, she has been coaching individuals since January, 2002. A natural cheerleader all her life, Gayles passion is helping people live healthier, happier livesespecially helping single people find love. As Bucks Countys Dating Coach and Singles Social Director, Gayle hosts monthly singles parties and book discussion groups, offering singles 35-65 easier, more comfortable ways to connect. Gayle knows from personal experience how hard it is for older singles to find partners nowadays. Married for 16 years prior to her divorce in 1995, she was a single mom for 10 years before meeting her 2nd husband online at age 50. She says love the 2nd time around is amazing and adores helping others make the same discovery!
Gayle specializes in helping singles succeed with healthy, safe online dating; divorced people make healthy transitions into single life; people adopting healthy lifestyles; and those starting a new business.
