The #1 reason clients come to me for online dating coaching is theyre dissatisfied with the number or quality of people theyre meeting. Theyve tried one or two dating sites but see few people they want to e-mail, have even fewer people e-mailing them, or arent impressed with the people they finally DO meet. During 14 months of online dating on eight different sites, which led to about 50 first meetings (including my second husband), I learned many tips that work to improve online dating results.
First and foremost, you must have a winning profile, with a flattering photo and attention-grabbing headline. The photo and headline make that very first impression and are often the only things others will notice, so its wise to put plenty of time and attention into these. Make sure the photo is a clear close-up and the headline is catchy and reflects your personality.
Next, write the section about you and your match in your own words offline, so you can think about it carefully and revise it. Dont post it online until youre satisfied that it highlights whats extra special about you and makes you a great catch while also capturing your sense of humor, depth and other unique characteristics. When describing your match, be specific but also compassionate (not expecting perfection in a mate) and conversational (so you sound friendly and approachable). If its hard for you to write about yourself, start your description with Those who know me well say Im ______ or have an opposite-gender friend or a dating coach help you write it.
Third, make sure the first e-mail to a new prospect has these elements, to maximize the chances that the person will write back:
1) A Wow! or other expression to enthusiastically convey how impressed you are with that persons profile.
2) A sincere compliment about something the person said in his/her profile related to values, accomplishments or personalitynot just their photo or hobbies. This tells the prospect youre interested in him/her as a person.
3) A question about something that intrigued you in the persons profile, to get a conversation started and make it easier for him/her to think of what to say in reply.
Fourth, use the first phone call as a screening device by focusing on asking some questions about things that are important to you a partner, not just idle small talk. This call is a way to decide if you want to meet the prospect in person, so be sure to listen for red flags.
Finally, remember the 4 Ps of online dating success:
1) Positive Attitude You must believe theres someone out there for you. (With over 850 dating sites in the U.S., its easy to stay positive!)
2) Proactivity Be the pursuerwrite at least 10 e-mails a week on at least two sites (one mainstream site/one specialized site).
3) Persistence Keep at it despite discouragement. Every no gets you closer to a yes.
4) Patience It takes time to weed out the wheat from the chaff. Put feelers out on two or three sites so you have to wait less between replies.
Gayle P. Crist, M.S., founder and president of HealthyLife Planning, is a personal coach based in Doylestown, PA. Trained at the Institute for Life Coach Training, she has been coaching individuals since January, 2002. A natural cheerleader all her life, Gayles passion is helping people live healthier, happier livesespecially helping single people find love. As Bucks Countys Dating Coach and Singles Social Director, Gayle hosts monthly singles parties and book discussion groups, offering singles 35-65 easier, more comfortable ways to connect. Gayle knows from personal experience how hard it is for older singles to find partners nowadays. Married for 16 years prior to her divorce in 1995, she was a single mom for 10 years before meeting her 2nd husband online at age 50. She says love the 2nd time around is amazing and adores helping others make the same discovery!
Gayle specializes in helping singles succeed with healthy, safe online dating; divorced people make healthy transitions into single life; those adopting healthier lifestyles; and people starting a new business.
